First off let me say I have now been here for a full year. I would like to thank everybody who has given me support, given me favorites, given me collection ads, given me shout outs, given me llamas, given me comments, and being there as a friend and let my weirdness flow! Thank you to all!!!!
But anyway, the real reason I'm making this because I just wanted to touch base for once. First I'm not looking for sympathy. Second I'm not complaining, bitching, and moaning about my current situation. And third I will probably use some colorful, harsh, and strong language so if you don't like that then stop reading here.
I had a mini emotional breakdown today if you can call it that. I felt depressed for seemingly no reason. I am NOT going to lie to you I have a low self worth I have a low self esteem and I have little to no self confidence sometimes. By no means am I an optimist and by no means am I a pessimist, but I am a true realist who does it best to see the facts. It seems here lately that I have had a lot of stuff to think about and a lot of s*** coming up and I a lot of crap on my plate. For starters my father's been on my back about saving money, so I can fix my truck. Then he has been on my back about getting a job. Its been confirmed that I have a job now and they should be happy I feel like I should be but I'm just not and I'm not sure why. Some other stuff that's been going on is my girlfriend is a senior this year I'm a junior she's going to graduate and go off to Ohio for college and I believe that its soaking in finally but she's going to be leaving for a while and I feel that that maybe one of the causes that is bringing me down. Then like everything else I try and plan it does to run into plans my Dad and Step mom have made that are so f****** set in stone you damn near have to use a chisel and a sledgehammer and a pickaxe to even attempt to change them. Then once they are and you see a better idea to make everything flow more smoothly you get pounded with them saying "we're doing the best we can we are doing this for you we had to change our plans that we made before hand" and s*** like that just makes you when to shove it back in their face. Plans that came up was my girlfriends graduation ceremony and her open house. But guess I have to go to my grandparents in the LaPorte it's a miracle at least I get to go to the graduation. Don't get me wrong I love my grandparents and when was there we get to celebrate my cousin's graduation and my aunt and uncles 50th wedding anniversary and I love my cousin and my aunt and uncle but for some reason I don't want to go. It kind of feels like I'm being forced and once we're there anyway I have got to do a crap ton of yard work that wasn't my fault that isn't my mess and that really makes me mad as well. I know I need to help my grandparents but when it's somebody else is doing and when you have to be the person to own up and fix it it pisses you off to no end. On a brighter note I guess is the fact I got a job today I start training tomorrow. But, for some reason this doesn't pick me up the way I expected it to. I just don't know why and it hurts a little. Some other stuff coming up is finals school is getting ready to let out. Gotta make these last few weeks to get my grades as good as they can. And realization I only have one year of school left before I have to go into the real world and college. I would really love to hold onto what little childhood innocence I have left so I can enjoy it but with this job and everything else I can feell it slipping away. it it feels almost like another piece of me drifting away. Another thing that should bring me up that hasn't is the fact I'm going to get another truck from my grandparents. An 01 Ford Ranger stepside with 4 wheel drive and two jump seats in the back it is blue in color. But even that doesn't seem to pick me up right now. Iwe just feel stuck like I can't get out. I just couldn't figure out why I was down. It was like a switch going off. And when it did they took my appetite and patience with it. Fortunately I have Lizzy my girlfriend she was the one who dragged me out of the funk that I was in like she always has time and time again. I guess you can say I'm better now but I still have some questions. Who knows maybe I have an undiagnosed of some form of depression. I don't know, but at least I can say I am out of it for now and the fact I am conscious of what is going on with my mood.
I didn't mean to write a whole f****** novel. If you read it all congratulations this is the end.
I just want you people to know if you need anything if you need anything don't hesitate to note me I will do my best to help. I love you guys stay awesome!
hallelujah holy s***! Where is the Tylenol?!